Community of Interbeing Facilitators Retreat

COI SANGHA FACILITATORS RETREAT AT CROSSWAYS, NORTHANTS, WITH MURRAY CORKE SEPTEMBER 15-17, 2012 After a demanding four hour journey cross country from Glastonbury Diana and I joined 24 other Sangha facilitators and would be facilitators at the United Reformed Church Crossways Residential Centre in picture postcard Yardley Hastings in rural Northants. Cambridge based Dharma Teacher Murray Corke was our facilitator and guide on this the first such facilitators weekend since 2004 and our very able Tenso in the kitchen was Lee from Nailsworth Sangha with Jenny Yeong from Oxford Sangha managing the bookings and admin. Our first practice was the Five Contemplations at our evening meal on Friday. In our first circle for introductions and orientation it became clear that we had a wide range of experience ranging from people new to the practice seeking to set up sanghas in rural Cornwall, Monmouth and North Yorkshire to experienced practitioners in established city sanghas in Cambridge, Manchester, Nottingham, Oxford, Bristol and North London, many of whom with facilitation experience. We also attracted two experienced Mindfulness Trainers who wanted to know how to facilitate Thays practices to use in their own work! From the opening circle Murray made it clear that although he would offer guidance and input we would gain most from sharing our experience and knowledge with each other. He also told us that he hoped we would put our names down not just to volunteer to help with food preparation and washing up but also to facilitate more and more of the outline programme and the practices as the weekend developed. After a guided meditation and Kinh Hanh we went to bed in Noble Silence until breakfast on Saturday(after sitting, walking and sitting practice and a sutra reading)where I found myself in charge of porridge making.... On Saturday Morning we agreed to explore sitting facing the wall in traditional Zen/Plum Village style something that clearly few sanghas did regularly then Murray offered a talk on Facilitation and took questions and answers. Murray suggested that the most valuable resource for a Sangha facilitator is a 'Second Body', someone else who will offer support and feedback to us when we facilitate especially at the beginning. We must be willing to take the first step and be prepared to make mistakes and he reminded us of the advice he'd been given by a young boatbuilder when he was asked to do his first boat building repair job: “the reason you cant start is that you think you haven't got the experience to do the job. Just start! The only way to get the experience is to do the job” He also reminded us that if we are stressed or preoccupied and cannot offer our full presence to facilitating the Sangha we should not be facilitating and perhaps needed to ask someone else to do it or maybe even to cancel the session if there is no one else! Our role is not to lead or to teach but to enable..and to try and create a safe space for people to practice in...that will transmit itself to others. Sangha facilitation like the rest of our life will not always present you with what you want but over time you can gain serenity about the inevitable ups and downs. Murray observed that creating a familiar and stable environment is important in facilitating and developing sangha not least in meditation practice. First its important to give time to preparation and ensuring personal stability. Secondly we need a suitable regular venue to settle into be it in someones home or a hall or centre. Particularly if we are moving around a lot we need similarity of practices,candles, flowers, shrine etc. Flowers, Rupa, candles and incense can provide focus and continuity. We may like to create an Ancestor shrine with images of family and friends we wish to honour (no living people please!). In the Vietnamese tradition Shrines should normally be slightly raised above sitters – the Buddha is our aspiration. Murray noted the general principle of respectful/mindful behaviour thus ' the more respect you give to something the more it gives back to you' and gave examples including passing bells by lifting with both hands and passing the chanting book in both hands. Murray gave a lot of time to exploring 'Designing a Programme' saying that it needed to be appropriate to the event and the participants. So at Woodbrooke with Quakers dont assume any knowledge of the tradition or the practice. When there are new people we may need to go back and introduce what we are doing ideally by introducing the basic practices again to everyone rather than isolating and drawing attention to newcomers. Murray advised that we design programs not for our own needs but for participants need so readings and guided meditations needed to be pitched at an appropriate level starting with simple guided meditations such as flower/fresh rather than some of the long and intense sequences in The Blooming of a Lotus which he considered not suitable for beginners. He reminded us that it may be important to begin Sangha meetings by helping beginners to find a comfortable way to sit with a stable posture (with shoulders, hips and bottom in line). He commented wryly that 'beginners often think they know already when they dont!' so it may be best again to offer 'kind and diplomatic help' to the whole group rather than to newcomers. Murray observed that the presentation of practices will inevitably vary from Sangha to Sangha and this is part of the richness and diversity of our tradition however it is important to be consistent. He noted that Plum Village itself changes the practices a lot over time so it is certainly OK to modify practices but again maintaining a recognisable pattern and consistency is important to participants. One way Murrays home sangha helps sangha facilitation is by having a meal together every six months to talk about sangha issues, forms of practice and organisation. Such meetings remind us that ' the essence of sangha is friendship not simply practice.' This is particularly true in relation to 'difficult people' “Difficult people are also our practice and the underlying issue is friendship which will help to resolve issues”. Murray reminded us that Dogen advised that 'when the opposites arise the buddha mind is lost' and he encouraged us to notice our own 'mind commentary' about what and who we consider to be difficult and easy and good and bad. While all this is going on in our heads are we really experiencing ' clear and awakened mind'?! Prevention of conflict through mindful practice and behaviour is much better than dealing with it only at a later stage when a dispute has already broken out. Murray emphasized the important of developing co-facilitation and delegation within a local sangha. Timely delegation and inviting others to co-lead can lead to the development of new sangha co-facilitators to share the responsibility. Asking others to give a reading or a talk, or leading a guided meditation or walking practice helps them to feel trusted and valued. Hanging on to a leadership role for too long can lead to burnout and to you becoming too controlling leading to conflict in the sangha. Then you may simply lose people in unhappy circumstances or may need to call in a skilful outside facilitator not involved in the dispute to 'Begin Anew'. Murray highlighted his own experience of a formal Beginning Anew' process in his Sangha with an experienced outside facilitator and Dharma Teacher initiated because he felt he was being undermined as a facilitator by someone else in the Sangha. The process uncovered that the other person A identified M as a controlling parental figure whom he wanted to attack and hurt because of parental issues. The remedy? M stepped back from his leadership role and observed a low profile for some time and the conflict dissolved and A and M are now good friends. Often it may not be necessary to have a formal Beginning Anew process to resolve Sangha conflicts. We need to use our intelligence and adapt such processes to our local situation. Murray advised that we “ facilitate with our eyes and ears and senses and be aware of whats happening in the sangha and respond appropriately. Facilitation is not about simply knowing the forms and applying them rigidly” Murray quoted Suzuki Roshi who told his students after listening to some excruciating Japanese chanting in San Francisco ' please chant with your ears' and said “please facilitate with your ears and you'll forestall many difficulties” During the question and answer session there were queries on: insurance – organised retreats in the name of COI are covered but check your own house insurance for your own home. advertising and publicity – many sanghas put out leaflets or public listings but Murray observed Cambridge Sangha 'never advertise as we believe the energy of our practice gets the word out and we do not particularly want to grow at this stage' teaching – 'the facilitator is not a teacher but maybe some things like physical posture need to be taught.' Dont be attached to one way of doing things as the diversity of local practice is part of the strength of the COI but if in doubt follow Thay and Plum Village practice as a fallback position. encouraging people to share in dharma discussions – 'groups can be very scary places for some people so some people will come and sit but not share. The facilitator can encourage such people by expressly inviting those who have not yet spoken in a Dharma Discussion to speak with about 10 or 15 minutes to go..' lack of male facilitators – 'the softness and kindness of Thays teaching has a very feminine side to it which may attract women more than men. Its not something to worry about. We can of course invite regular attenders to be a facilitator and lead practices length of sittings – 'with beginners 20 minutes may be a long sit so for regulars and for experienced practitioners in the sangha it may be valuable to organise longer sits on Sesshin (sitting/walking/sitting) or days of mindfulness' other traditions – 'its important to keep presenting Plum Village practice but encourage people from other traditions not to give up their own practices...' unresolved conflict – one sangha member from a large city sangha reported that conflict in the Sangha had been unresolved over a long period of time and led to people avoiding each other. Murray recommended Beginning Anew practices and the invitation of an experienced outside facilitator to help the process. Murray then led us on an outside walking meditation to a local nature reserve where we shared Plum Village songs. In the afternoon we had a very enjoyable Bell practice session in which everyone passed round bells of all shapes and sizes to wake up and invite and play with. This was a real confidence builder for people like me with limited experience of using the Bell in the Sangha and together we made some very harmonious and melodious sounds. I went on from there to take over as Bell Master for Sunday from Katie from Bristol and learned the basic pattern for inviting the bell 10 times before activities. After Bell practice Diana facilitated a deep relaxation for the whole group and two other women facilitated a Touching the Earth and after supper we split into 4 groups to have a Dharma discussion on conflict resolution. I hung back but the others were mostly inexperienced facilitators and seemed determined to have me facilitate the discussion. I duly shared guidelines such as: the purpose of bowing to each other when some one wanted to speak ( a mark of respect and ensuring a safe space for uninterrupted speech); speaking from experience not second hand or abstract views or speculation; allowing time between sharings so that we absorb what is shared and avoid debate or crosstalk and only offer feedback or advice if it is specifically requested; confidentiality – keeping what is shared within the group and only relating personal stuff elsewhere with sharers permission. Importance of creating a safe space. Encouraging those who haven't spoken by asking others to refrain from 2nd or 3rd helpings and inviting non-speakers to share. Reminding everyone when there is 5 or 10 minutes left that this is an opportunity for people who haven't shared to do so... One Quaker woman in our group reminded us that the uninterrupted space is as much for listening as for speaking. In terms of content our group spent a lot of time exploring how to deal with anger and the question of whether anger was taboo and unacceptable. We agreed that Thays own experience in Vitnam and with the Boat people has shown anger can be useful and lead to transformation but it needs to be contained and processed in a responsible way not becoming a habitual response. We noted the cultural tendency of English people to deny or avoid the expression of anger and stuffing it down for French people to express it and indulge in it by shouting and screaming at everyone. Neither of these approaches was seen as helpful. Anger needs to be acknowledged if it is to worked with and transformed but it does not necessarily have to be let loose in its raw state...this is not mindful or creative this is simply reactive and destructive. On Sunday different sangha members facilitated all the sessions apart from Murrays showing of a Walking Meditation DVD of Thay teaching at Green Gulch Farm in California some years ago. Murray then had final Q and A discussion. In it he recommended materials for Sangha Facilitators as follows: Chanting from the Heart - for basic practices and ceremonies and discourses The COI Manual of Practice The Heart of the Buddhas Teaching Old Path White Clouds ( the life and teachings of the Buddha) The World we have – a good introductory book by Thay on sustainable living; other good introductory books are – The Miracle of Mindfulness, Being Peace, Touching Peace, and Walking Meditation. With regard to the Blooming of a Lotus Murray cautioned us to be wary of using complex deep level guided meditations with beginners – stick to the simple ones or write your own simple ones! M could not recommend a CD or DVD containing the main chants in the Plum Village tradition (Though 'Breath by Breath' was suggested) so a search of You Tube may be required. After lunch and clear up we departed in all directions towards our home sanghas... I really appreciated this weekend not simply for Murrays wise and astute facilitation but also for the opportunity to meet so many men and women ( 18 women and 8 men) from sanghas across the country, large and small and to compare resources and experiences and practices within the grass roots of our movement. Anthony